the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
