All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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