Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
