let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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