Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.