Four minutes until I can fart!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
