I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
