Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
