i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I could fuck to npr.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
