her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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