Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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