Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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