4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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