have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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