How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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