don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
