I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
