kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
