he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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