Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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