I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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