hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
