I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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