just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
