The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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