He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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