with your own penis?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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