she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize