I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
