The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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