How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
