I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
