We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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