I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
