the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Princesses don't give blow jobs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
