Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
