I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize