I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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