Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
