living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
