I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
