just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize