Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
