I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
