we have pet lesbian snakes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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