Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
