My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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