I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
