last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I see more hoeing in ur future
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