What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
