My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
