YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
