THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
