I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
