My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Someone signed my nipple.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
