dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
