I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
