you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
