I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
