Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize