3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
