I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
