I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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