I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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