I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How does one acquire holy water?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
