i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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