Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup

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(251): View more from Alabama

I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.

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(903): View more from Texas

I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

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(407): View more from Florida

Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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(425): View more from Washington

1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone

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(207): View more from Maine

CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP

(207): View more from Maine

Do we still have any pizza left from last night?

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(314): View more from Missouri

There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.

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(310): View more from California

Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself

(1-310): View more from California

What, a homewrecker?

(310): View more from California

Touché

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