Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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