For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
