so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
