It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
