but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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