Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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