How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
