Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I came so hard my ears popped.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
