Can i not drive my cunt home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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