I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
