you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
