have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
